Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
