Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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