the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
