I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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