Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
