Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
