I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't put those talents on a resume
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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