i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
