I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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