can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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