There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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