you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
