I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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