I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
