You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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