I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
