ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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