i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
