She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
one might say we're banned from that church
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
