We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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