soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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