I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
