i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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