the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
