I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
it's great music for shaving your balls
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
