so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
