I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
