HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
