im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
