wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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