Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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