Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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