Ambien. No doubt about it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the day after is always just damage control
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
