ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
