What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
