Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
