Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
