He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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