I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
