Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
