i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
