I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
