Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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