some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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