During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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