Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
