he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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