Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
