Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
