I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
