Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
